Sometimes you have to remember to Breath

This last few days it seems like my whole world has gone up in chaos, and last night I thought I had reached my breaking points. Most of you know about the fact that my best friends husband passed away on Sept. 1st and Ive been trying to help raise money to help her, and run her blog. All of you know I am more than happy to do it. What I didnt know what that in the moment when I most needed to focus on those two things everything else was gonna crash around me. You know how they say when it goes bad it all goes bad… yeah thats how it seemed, and last night was my point where I thought I was gonna break. I literally cried so hard last night I couldnt breath, and then when I thought it was bad it got worse, and I thought I just cant do this. Then I went outside, and I prayed and I talked to people in my life who have died, and probably looked a little crazy but most importantly I breathed. I stopped and I breathed.

I think all to often in our society we get so wrapped up in all the chaos we forget that we have to breath, we have to stop and think of ourselves to. I wore myself to the point that when I finally went to sleep after barely sleeping in the last few days, I slept in till noon. I woke up this afternoon and I thought what am I doing, my best friend wouldn’t want this, my best friends husband wouldn’t want this. I had gotten myself to the point that someone who talked bad about me on another page made me start sobbing, and while it hurts every time someone says mean things about me, or TCF normally I’m pretty good about getting through it but this time it was like someone had thrown the stone that shattered the glass. Last night I actually said I’m never helping anyone ever again. I was that tired of being stepped on, not appreciated, and made to feel like a terrible person if I didn’t give my blood, and soul for every thing I help (this by the way in no way is meant towards my BFF cause she is uber appreciative). What I wasn’t doing then was breathing, and thinking about all the good that comes out of helping others.

I guess what I’m trying to say is in the chaos you need to remember your needs, you need to find things you can grasp onto that make you happy, you need to sleep and you need to breath. I’m struggling the person I normally go to when I’m stressed I can’t cause I don’t want to burden her with more when she has so much pain right now, and I have a hard time stepping back and not charging in full speed, I do it every year with TCF, and every year I hit Christmas feeling like I’ve been run over by a train. I know everyone is going through something, and to all of your who are going through hard times I’m sorry, and I hope they get better. Remember yourselves too, its hard but sometimes you have to be a little selfish and take care of you. Remember to breath, somehow it will work out…